OWN YOUR PATH!

I’ve never been a person with hundreds of friends.

My circle has always been small, but incredibly meaningful. Some of my closest friends today are people I met when I was eight years old. That’s almost 30 years ago, which either means I’m old, or I’ve simply mastered the art of long-term friendship. I’ll let you decide.

Throughout my life, I’ve met many amazing women. Some stayed, some became part of a chapter that ended, but almost all of them left me with good memories, lessons, and gratitude.

Then, as an adult, I experienced something completely new.

I trusted someone. I welcomed her into my life and considered her a close friend. Only much later did I learn that not everyone operates from kindness, honesty, or good intentions. It sounds naive now, but I genuinely didn’t know people could be that calculating. I had never behaved that way, so it never occurred to me that others might.

Eventually, the friendship ended.

I moved on, kept the good memories, learned what I thought was the lesson, and continued building a beautiful life. I made new friends, found incredible communities, focused on my career, and honestly never thought much about her again.

Fast forward several years…

Life was rewarding. Work was fulfilling. Things were going well.

Then cancer happened!! (this is relevant I promise)

As I wrote in my last post, a cancer diagnosis brings many things into your life, including something I wasn’t expecting: an unbelievable amount of free time.

I couldn’t work, so I read books. I painted. I cooked. I rested. And after exhausting all productive activities, I did what every human being eventually does when left alone with a phone and too much curiosity:

I became an amateur detective.

I looked up old friends.

Old coworkers.

Maybe a few exes.

For research purposes only, of course.

And eventually, I found her.

She appeared to be thriving. That part didn’t bother me. I’ve never been a particularly jealous person. Success is wonderful. I genuinely want people to do well.

But as my completely unnecessary investigation continued, I discovered something unsettling.

Much of what appeared to be success wasn’t built on truth. Some stories were exaggerated. Others were entirely fabricated. The image presented to the world didn’t match the reality I knew.

And suddenly, I was angry.

Not because she seemed successful, but because I was sitting in the middle of one of the hardest seasons of my life while watching someone gain admiration and credibility through dishonesty.

Human emotions aren’t always elegant, and I am human!!!

For a brief moment, I wanted to stand on a rooftop and yell, “That’s not true!”

Then my therapist gently pointed out something important: I wasn’t actually mad at her…I was mad that cancer had temporarily turned a highly productive person into a half-being human with far too much free time and an internet connection.

Once I figured that out, I retired from the FBI and got back to focusing on my own life.

BUT something unexpected happened.

Through a completely unrelated professional connection, I ended up working with someone who had also crossed paths with this same person.

What I heard shocked me.

The story wasn’t just about one damaged friendship.

There was a pattern.
Multiple relationships.
Multiple people.
Multiple lives affected.

The details aren’t important, and this isn’t a soap opera, despite my best efforts to make it sound like one.

What matters is the lesson, because it made me think about leadership.

How many people do we place in positions of influence simply because they appear successful?

How many leaders build impressive reputations while leaving a trail of damaged relationships behind them?

How many organizations reward image over integrity?

At work, in business, in politics, and in our communities, we often evaluate leaders based on what is visible: titles, achievements, confidence, charisma, followers, awards, and carefully crafted personal brands.

But leadership is ultimately revealed by something much harder to measure:

Character.

How do they treat people when no one is watching? How do they behave when they have power over others? What happens to the people who work with them, not just for them? Do they create opportunities, or do they step on others to get ahead? Do they build trust, or do they manipulate it?

The most dangerous leaders are not always the loudest or most obviously unethical. Often, they are the ones who look successful on the surface while quietly causing harm behind the scenes.

That’s why we need to become better judges of character.
We need to pay attention to red flags.
We need to listen when good people raise concerns.
We need the courage to speak up when something feels wrong.

And perhaps most importantly, we need to stop confusing achievement with leadership.

Because leadership always impacts real people, and the world doesn’t need more impressive leaders.

It needs more good ones.

P.S. If you made it this far solely for the gossip, I regret to inform you that this blog remains deeply committed to personal growth and leadership development.

The only spoiler I’ll give you is this: in my experience, people who build their lives by stepping on others eventually discover that karma is an excellent project manager. It may not work on your timeline, but it always seems to deliver.

And with that, I’ll return this blog to its regularly scheduled leadership content.

Con Amor, 
Andrea